advice [this one’s for you, bubba]

hey little brother!

i love you a lot. i love catching glimpses of the man that you will be. it makes me smile knowing that you will be walking the same halls and even learning from some of the same profs i enjoyed for four years.

so here’s some friendly, sisterly advice [in no particular order] that [i hope] will have some meaning for you as you start this journey.

[1] don’t date too soon.

ok, i know i’ve harped on this a ton already, and in the end you’ll just do what you want. BUT please hear me out.

you are a young man. i know there are many things of which you are capable. however, being a husband is not yet one of those things. until you are ready to be the head of a family, i recommend resisting all the forces compelling you to pursue a girl.

many, many of your peers will jump head-first into relationships, with varied success. the idea of being in a relationship is intoxicating, but the reality is that a successful, healthy one requires a ton of hard work and self-control. frankly, you are gonna have a lot going on already at school and trust me–there is no rush!

the relationships with your guy friends at school are going to be the most important thing you take with you when you leave. you will never regret those investments.

[2] don’t procrastinate too much.

basically every college student who does not struggle with this is a liar. pulling all-nighters can be fun maybe once a year, but trust me–making it a habit will be good for nobody.

[3]  get involved in thing other than music.

i know that you will be there at every recital, concert, play and musical. but make an effort to do other things like r.a. or f.x. or s.a.b.  it will help you to find friends outside of the music majors.

[4]  prioritize people.

maybe you won’t struggle with this lesson as i did; i can tend to get tunnel vision.  when homework calls it can be tough to ask a person how they are really doing…and to be willing to truly listen to the answer. remember, in a hundred years, the only thing left of our lives will be the people we know. it helps to keep that in perspective when school seems overwhelming.

[5] make time for the Lord.

i never made a good habit of this until my senior year and i wished that i would have been more intentional all those other years. this does take discipline–maybe even more so than studying or working out–because it’s something you do alone.

there are so many forces fighting to take up your time, energy and space. [reading the bible for yourself is hard especially because now it’s one of your textbooks!]  you have to fight for it.

loving the Lord is the most important. make the time to know His voice in the quiet, so that you can recognize it above the din and clatter of the busy times.

that’s all i can think of for now. i’m always around if you need me, with lots of advice and harassment. what are big sisters for, right?

all my love, graycie

winter is…

winter is

icy fingers forcing through lacy glass pane

thin skin between the cold and me

warmth is stolen from my coffee and my right side

morning window is winter’s cruel version of a bonfire

outside trees even seem rheumatic

old knobby stiff knees

aching finger branches

 

winter is

flakes drifting down in darkness

drawing straight lines to earth

blinding purity

the stillness roars and whispers

breath hesitates

unwilling warm humanity to disturb sacred cold perfection

but then inhale, exhale

and take part in the holiness

small life in the dark

 

winter is

the odd sensation of one’s eyebrows instantly frozen

the dry pain of shocked lungs

the battle with hard ice and snow blankets

day after week after month

and just past the moment one’s sure the sun has died

comes

the sound of water

the sound of hope.

 

autumn is [a.k.a. cheezy poem part three]

autumn is

boots out of hiding

remembering the feel of coats

soft scarf, comforting

familiar strange clothing.

 

autumn is

caramelly apple cider

whipped cream topping looking like

snowy mountain peaks

kissed by dusty fresh cinnamon.

 

autumn is

visible breath

crunchy kaleidoscope underfoot

wonder awakening as the world dies

the most beautiful death.

summer is…[a.k.a. cheezy poem part II]

summer is

sticky saltwater tickling down torso 

under the dewy cotton blouse

praying for a breeze to freeze

the moisture where it lies. 

 

summer is

sun-browned skin

painted toenails, aqua waters 

splashing your face as the boat surges

and you’re soaked

but you, smiling, don’t care. 

 

summer is

singing country songs because for once they seem fitting

windows all the way down, hair abandoned to the wind’s whim

sunglasses and beach dresses

melting each moment, swallowing them slowly down

willing warmth to linger longer 

knowing all the time it can’t. 

ex(ploring)celsior [a.k.a. sunday funday]

enough said.

spring is… [a.k.a. cheezy poem]

spring is

a meeting with an old friend

and you can’t remember

why you don’t hang out more often.

/

spring is

a golden pill of vitamin d

swallowed whole

with an iced nirvana by the lake.

/

spring is

the luxurious yawning stretch

arch-backed

after sitting still far too long.

/

spring is

the reminder note

singing the song

pushing roots deeper down.

no sand, no mud [a.k.a. living on purpose]

it’s  me again — hannah!

so, life in minnesota has finally settled into a routine, but it seems that along with routine comes servitude to the clock — one of those ‘necessary evils’.  i have to schedule my fits of spontaneity, which is a really lame paradox.  but even more of a quandary — what does God want for this season of my life?  well, i’ve discovered one thing, at least:

patience.

my plan [emphasis on my] has been vague and simple: stick around in the u.s. while i pay off my loans, and figure out the next step.  before doing the math, i was under the assumption that paying off my student loans would take me a year, maybe two.  tops.

however, the other day i sat down and crunched the numbers, and to my horror — it’s going to take at least four years, and that’s if i’m a very good girl.  that’s a tough pill to swallow.  4 years seems like a very long time for an m.k. to live in one place.

this wanderlust with which i am affected is calling, the soles of my feet itch for the road, to discover new paths, friends, tastes, sights and smells.  my perspectives need broadening!, cry my restless instincts.

but what about the undiscovered paths in my backyard?  what about hundreds of thousands of lost souls on my doorstep?  chilly minneapolis holds the most diverse neighborhood in the country.  new friends are everywhere.  i can find other cultures in the ‘burbs and burgs.  this city is full of restaurants that bring the world to the table — i can savor them without flying somewhere new.  even though my being longs for a warm wind, that too will come — summer will blow in for a few brief weeks.

i guess part of what i’m feeling is the yearning that my life, my days, my moments here have purpose, meaning, intentionality.  not that i’m doing time between adventures.  i want to live on purpose.

because even life itself as His child is an adventure.  i won’t be a stick in the mud or bury my head in the sand.  no sand, no mud.  Lord, You are calling me to Yourself [unfathomable character, unending passion] and to love those surrounding me.

You are calling me to go deep — heart tender, arms wide, hands open.

true north [a.k.a. tales of an african in minnesota]

hey there, it’s me, hannah!

so, i’ve been in minnesota for almost 2 weeks now, and the great white north has given me quite a welcome.  it is 0 degrees outside as i type this, and i’m pretty sure that’s the high for today … it literally shocks my body as i exit the warm building.

however, the only real complaint against the cold is that my car would not start this morning.  i’m telling you, if machines can’t even survive in this weather, how are humans supposed to?!?  [i say we should vote to transplant the whole state further south.  we’ll get a majority, no problem.]

but even the car problems got ironed out without too much trouble.  thankfully my sister emily has jumper cables, and our apartment manager jon is a boss at figuring out how to put those things on.  old tilly [my white le sabre] is running like a champ now, and we got our shopping done with no further incidents.

i’ve been struck by how quickly things happen here in the good old united states.  i walked into verizon and within 20 minutes i was walking out with a fully functioning smart phone in my hands, trying to memorize my new number.  and it’s an iphone.  and it has a sparkly case.  i feel so american.

the shock is still wearing off — the shock of walking into a store and finding it fully stocked.  the shock of the cashier not glaring at me for handing her a big bill.  the shock of customer service.  the shock of clean, smooth, wide roads.

and yet, the great white winter chill is still the most shocking of all.

here to stay is the new bird [a.k.a. que sera sera]

since i first knew i’d be moving back to minnesota in january, i’ve been dreading the wintry weather that swirls outside the sliding airport doors.  going back to sub-arctic frigid ice-land does not appeal after i’ve lived here 2 years:

yes, please.

january is just about the worst segment of minnesota winters — the temperatures plunge to the negatives, and stay put until they feel like climbing up again, which could be anywhere between february and july.  (you think i’m exaggerating?  ok, maybe.)  i’ve been despairing, fearing the snow, the ice, the wretched bloody wind.  this is what i’ve been dreading for months:

yuckyyyy.

ew.

gross.

naaaaasty.

… but just today i was catching up on a blog i follow; she said something that made me feel — for the first time — happy about the snow.  “The night sky orange from the clouds reflecting lights, the atmosphere hollowed; a padded cave where your steps crunching the snow is all you really hear. It almost demands that you stand still, that you look up. There is a tangible quietness to snow…”

it reminds me of some amazing times snow and i have had together — it can be so peaceful, so fragile and strong, so clean and pure and wonderful.  now i remember these pictures too:

walks in virgin snowfall.

ice-skating with friends.

…and adorable winter clothes. 😉

there’s another sense in which i’ve been dreading my move back to america — i have found myself feeling fearful, wondering if i can cut it.  or will everyone i meet write me off as some third-culture freak who can’t be on-time anymore, who mutters to herself in french, who essentially doesn’t even desire to live in the united states?  do i have what it takes to be strong, to endure, to succeed?

then i’m at church on sunday, and pastor joel reads this scripture:

[ephesians 3:14-19]  for this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

…and Jesus reminds me again that He has chosen my path, that He has prepared me, that He will empower me through His Spirit, and those coming trials will serve to help me understand just a little bit more of his amazing, crazy, unshakable love.  for me.

all this to say:  i’m not scared anymore.

Christmas Everywhere (a.k.a. a poem by Phillips Brooks)

Everywhere, everywhere, Christmas tonight!

Christmas in lands of the fir-tree and pine,

Christmas in lands of the palm-tree and vine,

Christmas where snow peaks stand solemn and white,

Christmas where cornfields stand sunny and bright,

Christmas where children are hopeful and gay,

Christmas where old men are patient and gray,

Christmas where peace, like a dove in his flight,

Broods o’er brave men in the thick of the fight;

Everywhere, everywhere, Christmas tonight!

For the Christ-child who comes is the Master of all;

No palace too great, no cottage too small.